Brawl of the Bands
by Atomic Cube
Summary: Ness and Kirby are starting a band! OHYEAH! But will their unique beats and awkward lyrics be enough to defeat the band made up of Smash Mansion's most popular pretty boys?
1. Across the Hall

A/N: Yoyoyo. I just had a can of Dr. Pepper and now I'm extremely bored.

Disclaimer: I own... Nothing.

"Dude! Hey dude! Hey Ness! Ness Ness!" Kirby came bursting into Ness's room. Ness sat calmly on his bed, reading a comic. He licked his finger and turned the page. Kirby stood in the doorway, panting.

"...Yes?" Ness finally answered, looking up from his comic. "Hey," Kirby panted a little more. "hey... Wait..." He continued to pant. Ness just waited patiently. "We should.. we... Have to..." Kirby held up his hand and bent his face to the floor. "We.. We have to start..." He collapsed to the floor, rolling around and panting heavily.

"Jesus, Kirby. How far did you run?" Ness questioned. He peered over the bed to examine his exhausted friend. Kirby rolled to his feet, his panting had became slower and quieter. "From... across the hall."

"Wow," Ness laughed. "you suck."

"Look at my legs man. No knees! Why don't you go ahead and-"

"What were you saying before?"

"Oh." Kirby pondered and tried to remember why he had ran such a far distance in the first place. "Oh yeah!" He snapped his..um..fingers? "Dude! We have to start a band!"

"Psshh." Ness scoffed at him. "Honestly, do either of us really have the time and dedication to keep it going? Plus... we have no musical talents whatsoever."

"Yeah, but Marth, Ike, Roy, Link, and Pit don't have any musical abilities, and they started a band! And all the ladies love them!"

"Hm, you really think we'd be good!" Ness climbed down from the bed and stood next to Kirby.

"Hell yeah!" Kirby yelled excitedly. "We'd be... the greatest!"

"Hmm..." Ness put his hand to his chin. "Okay, but we'll need more band members!"

"Yahoo! That's great! I know just the people we need!" Kirby shot through the door with Ness running behind him.

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"Hey guys!" Roy shot up from the bean bag chair he had been lounging in. "I know what we can do to gain even more fans!"

"What?" Link, Marth, Ike, and Pit all said in unison. The band of boys were having a band "practice" session in one of the many Smash Mansion garages.

"Why don't we go out for the "Brawl of the Bands contest"?"

"Brawl of the bands?" Link snorted. "Are you sure it isn't 'Battle of the bands'? Moron?"

"Nahh," Roy shook his head and pulled a flyer out of his pocket. "It's BRAWL of the bands, see? It's on this flyer!" Marth leaned in closer. "Wow, it is! That's a dumb name!"

"Well," Ike jumped in the conversation. "It may be a dumb name, but we better join and win it. Or else I'm going to kill all of you." He snarled and flexed.

"Wow, Ike!" Pit was shocked. "I thought you 'fight for your friends'?" He snickered. Ike pointed and glared at him. "That's bull! I threaten to kill my comrades! YOU KNOW THAT!" Pit inched farther away from the blue haired mercenary.

"Okay, that was weird! I'm forgetting that now... C'mon guys! Let's practice!"

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A/N: ...Ike actually threatens to kill his comrades at some point in Fire Emblem. And he is RIPPED. Dude... I swear... He could rip a gorilla's arm off. It'd be like... Tearing at a wet tissue for him!


	2. Yoshi joins the band

"Yo! Hey Yoshi! Ness and Kirby ran out into the garden of Smash Mansion to greet their friend. Yoshi was standing on one of the many large and fancy bridges of Smash Garden. It stretched over a dusty path. He was peering over the edge, directly under him was Samus in her zero--suit. She was humming to herself and flipping through the pages of a weapons magazine.

Kirby approached him with his arms opened warmly. "Wassup my home-skillet-biz-"

"Don't call me bizkit." Yoshi interrupted in a whisper. A hurt Kirby sunk back and away. A wad of spit was forming at Yoshi's mouth, he swayed his head from side to side to decide on the perfect place to execute his attack. His eyes remained locked on his target, which was of course, Samus. Ness and Kirby leaned over the edge of the bridge too.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of spit gathering, Yoshi let the clear orb of saliva plummet towards Samus's blonde hair. As soon as it left his lips, he cupped his hands around his mouth and screamed. "SAMUS!"

"Eh?" A doomed Samus looked up just in time for the spit wad to nail her right in the eye. "AUGH! ACK!" She flung her magazine aside and scratched at her eyes wildly. "YOSHIII!" She screeched and looked up at the smashers peering over the bridge. Even from that great height, they could see the anger burning in her eyes. "Damn," Ness patted Yoshi on the back. "you got her good!"

"Yoshi! You little shit!" She flipped out her stun gun and fired nonstop at the bridge above her. Yoshi and his friends barely dodged the shots. Kirby laughed and leaned over the edge once more. "Hah! Chooo missed us!" Samus grinned darkly. "Then I'm just gonna have to come up there!" She took off full speed, laughing insanely.

"OHFUCKOHFUCK! RUN DUDE RUN!" Kirby, Ness, and Yoshi all ran off the bridge, screaming at the top of their lungs.

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"Is the coast clear?" Ness whispered in the dark. Yoshi was peeking out of the closet door.

"I'm not sure, let's just lay low in here for a bit. Okay?" He clicked the door shut and locked it. Kirby flicked the light switch on.

"So," Yoshi plopped himself down next to Kirby and Ness. "what did you want to ask me?"

"You think you could join our band?" Kirby questioned. "Okay!" Yoshi smiled and nodded. "What's it called?"

"Huh?"

"The name. What's the band's name?"

"Oh," Ness realized that he and Kirby had yet to name the band. "we don't have a name yet..."

"CARDBOARD CUTIES!" Kirby suddenly shouted. Ness and Yoshi ignored him. After a few moments of thinking, Yoshi spoke up. "How about... The Greatest Band in the History of All Things Band-Related?"

"That... is an effin' awesome name!" Ness gave Yoshi a high-five.

"Yeah!" Kirby agreed. "Though I personally thought Cardboard Cuties was better."

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"Roy, wear the flippin wig! It's not gonna kill you!" Marth was chasing Roy around the room with a gigantic wig of dreads in his hand.

"NO! NONONONO! It'll STEAL my SOUL!" He suddenly stopped running to hide in a corner.

"Guys, c'mon, we're working on our looks here!" He turned to Roy and folded his arms across his chest. "Would you rather have REAL dreadlocks?" Roy sniffed and wiped a frightened tear from his eye. "N-no..." He stood up from his corner. Link placed the wig on his head. "There! Perfect!"

"Can I go shirtless?" Ike questioned as he examined his bare chest in the mirror. "No, you most certainly cannot!" Link threw a shirt at Ike's head.

"Awh, c'mon!" Pit stepped out of the dressing room clad in his rocker outfit. "This thing is totally gay!" His fellow band members turned to look at him. He had on tight leather pants with a sleeveless cowboy jacket. "No it isn't!" Link insisted. He placed a cowboy hat decorated with rhinestones on Pit's tousled brown hair.

"Ohh!" Ike squealed when he saw Pit's get up. "Can I have something sleeveless too?" He begged to Link.

"No!" Link brushed him away. "We agreed that you would be the robot! Remember?"

"Link," Marth approached the blond swordsman. "What are YOU going to wear?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh... I'll take care of that! Now go put on your leotard!" Link commanded. Marth's suspicious look remained, but he still walked into the changing room.

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A/N: I spit on my friends... but on accident. XD

I talk so damn fast. It's a wonder I don't faint from lack of air.


	3. That one movie with that puppet otter

"Okay! Yeah!" Ness smiled to himself. "I think we've got our band!" He turned to Kirby. "So... Who's doing what?" He asked. Kirby looked at his clipboard.

"Um... Well... We've got you on a practice drum pad, Yoshi on the washboard, and I'm the vocalist!" Kirby finished the list proudly. "Let's start practicing!"

"What the hell?" Yoshi stood up. "Why am I playing washboard? I don't even own a washboard." He moved in closer, continuing his speech. "And dude? A practice drum pad? Yeeesh."

"Uh... It's actually just a rubber cutting board that we tap on with chopsticks... And the washboard is COOL... Remember that Christmas movie about the otter?" Ness corrected him. Yoshi shook his head in dismay and ignored the comment about the otter movie. "Ohh, and I suppose the mic is actually a cotton swab?" He glared at Ness, daring him to correct him. "Actually," Kirby began quietly. "it's a toilet paper roll..." He took a cardboard tube out. "See? I gave him a face.. Hehe. He's angry." Yoshi's eye twitched, but Kirby went on. "His name is Gus, and he's wearing a 'Jesus loves me' pin on his forehead... You see his shirt has-"

"Enough!" Yoshi smacked the "microphone" out of Kirby's hand. "Don't you think that we should get... I don't know... More band members?"

"Ehh..." Ness looked away. "Nobody else wanted to be with us... Only a complete loser would-"

"Oh, OHH! I'll join!" Jigglypuff popped out of nowhere. She bounced around energetically. "PLEASE! LET ME!" She clung to Kirby's fat desperately. "PLEASE!"

"Okay, you're on the sax." Yoshi handed her a saxophone about three times her size. "YESH!" She squealed and hugged the enormous brass instrument. "Actually," Ness was about to object, but Yoshi stopped him. "We need all of the help we can get."

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"I'm the front man!" Link stated proudly. "I'm also the most handsome one in the band!" He flashed a smile and twirled his microphone stand.

"I'm the drummer!" Ike announced. "I'm also the most macho one in the band!" He flexed and kissed his freakishly large muscles.

"I'm the guitarist! Roy squealed in delight. "I'm also the smartest one in the group!" He flung out a dictionary and started reading it upside down.

"I'm the bassist!" Pit raised his hand meekly. "I'm also the cutest one." He swept his hair out of his eyes and rubbed his nose.

"I guess I'm the keyboardist..." Marth shrugged. "I'm also the one who doesn't give a shit. Look, dudes, can we just practice?" Marth asked tiredly. "UGH!" Link scowled. "Marth! You didn't strike your pose! And you're the 'sensitive' one... Remember? Lets try it again guys... Marth isn't really being a team player!"

"Haah..." Marth sighed. "Alriiight..."

A/N: Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas.

...

Don't judge me. XP


	4. GIVE ME A POUND YO

A/N: Holy Hell. It's been too long.

"Dude, our band is PHAT!" Kirby chest bumped Yoshi, who smacked him in return.

"No Kirby, our band is not fat. You're getting it confused with your grotesque gut." Yoshi scoffed and snapped his fingers.

"OH SNAP." Ness flung himself between them. "He just bitch slapped your self-confidence!" Yoshi smacked his forehead and let his hand slide over the rest of his face. "That was incredibly lame."

"YO MOMMA!" Jigglypuff suddenly appeared. "Pound it." She demanded as she held out her fist. Yoshi nearly threw up. "Seriously you guys, the brawl of the bands thing is tomorrow... And we have NO songs, beats... or clues!"

"Chila-" Ness began cooly.

"If you tell me to chillax, I'm going to throw an obese panda bear at you."

"...Calm... Calm down man." Ness slyly slipped behind Jigglypuff, who's fist was still shoved out into the open and waiting for a pound. "You see... I have a perfect plan... We have you run out in a gorilla suit... That would so -"

"No. Hells no." Yoshi ended Ness's perfect plan.

"Too late! I already ordered it!" He grinned widely. Yoshi stared blankly at him, his anger slowly reaching maximum level. Ness sensed this, and his instincts kicked in. He looked around wildly, but found no chance of escape. He clenched his fists and braced himself for Yoshi's temper.

"I... I..." Yoshi drifted off. He sighed and gave Jigglypuff a weak pound. "Okay, that's a good backup plan..."

"Okay, then you're wearing the suit."

"No."

"Yes."

"It's in your size man."

"Hmm... I wonder if there's any obese pandas in the area."

"Okay okay... Fine."

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Marth was quietly seated at his computer desk. His thin fingers delicately clicked each key in, each letter and space made up his own personal online diary. His fingers stopped their monotonous clicking. Marth scrolled up to review his work.

_Dear Diary, _

_I'm surrounded by idiots. I swear my IQ probably dropped from all of the time I've spent with my "friends". I don't even want to be in the band anymore. Ike keeps on hitting on me, which is extremely awkward. Roy is like a small child with the brain of a speck of dust. Pit's innocent act isn't fooling anyone. He's probably just posing as a fighter... Possibly 47 and jobless. And Link... Whoa-hooo. Link is the worst. He is so manipulative and devious, which I find a attractive. Maybe if he wasn't so set on his goal of leading his pack of morons... I would so totally hit that. Like a pinata man. Srsly. Lol..._

_-Marth_

_P.S. I'm serious about Link. Now there's just the task of getting rid of Zelda. LMFAOOOOOO. JK Jk jk... Peace out._

"Oh dude... What are you doing?" Roy appeared behind him, munching on a candy bar.

"GWAHHHH!" Marth shoved his computer into the wall and whirled around to face Roy. "Nothing... Nothing..." He quickly tried to come up with a clever insult. "G-go throw up... You're fat. You pregnant elephant."

"GAWD I KNOW." Roy agreed. "First my mom... Then you... Jesus." Roy tossed his candy bar and strolled out of the room." Marth sighed and adjusted his computer. He typed one last thing before logging out.

_P.S.S. I'm leaving the band... Fo sho._

A/N: Forgive my rustiness. One more chapter.

...Fo sho. ..


	5. People are AWESOOOME

A/N: ... :)

_"I welcome you all to the BRAWLLL OF THE BANDSSS! HWAHWHA!"_

The crowd clustered around the stage and cheered at the overly excited announcer. Scattered throughout the crowd were the residence of Smash Mansion, eager to see their own mansion-mates woo the world.

_"OKAY! We have four bands entering today! First up is... Macie's One Man Band of Wondrous Magical Pixie Dust Princesses of Ye Old Kingdom of Pretty Ponies and Fashionable yet Practical Shoes!_

"I LOVE THAT BAND!" Someone randomly shouted out of the now silent crowd. "Woo... That band... Is cool... Yeah." There was a few coughs and sniffs before the stage curtain rose to reveal a small girl with a trombone. She blinked and lifted her hand to shield her wide eyes from the blinding lights. She winced and wiped her little nose before parting her lips and speaking in a quivering high voice.

"I... I would like to..." She gulped and wiped a nervous tear from her eye. "I would like to dedicate this song to my granpappy, because he's up in heaven right now. I love you granpappy!" Waving cutely at the ceiling, She took a deep breath and puffed out her rosy cheeks. The clear sound of the trombone rang through the room and made it's way to-

"BOO. YOU SUCK." Ness's voice suddenly sounded out. Shocked and offended, the girl stopped playing. "Yeah you suck SOOO BADLY." Ness called from behind the curtain. The hardly audible sounds of Kirby snickering and Yoshi trying to shut him up could be heard. "If you ever consider playing your trombone for a living, cross that off of your career list." Ness continued to rip into the innocent child. "In fact, cross everything out except for 'prostitute'. No wait, cross that out too, the only thing that should be left is 'hobo'."

Kirby burst out laughing and rolled out from behind the curtain and into the spotlight. Caught up in the moment, he jumped out into the spotlight and pointed his stubby arm at the little girl. "I did IT with yo MOMMA!" A thump was heard from behind the curtain, turning out to be Yoshi fainting from pure shock.

"My momma is dead..." The little girl managed to say through her silent tears.

"NO WONDER SHE WAS SO STIFF IN BED!" Ness, Kirby and Jigglypuff roared with laughter. Yoshi, regaining consciousness, pulled them all behind the curtain and bombarded them all with obese pandas.

_"Okay, okay sweetie... "_ The announcer rushed her off the stage. "_Go back to your orphanage now... Go on... OKAY PEEPS! LETS HEAR IT FOR OUR NEXT CONTESTANT! Give it up for Gurlz Rule!" _The announcer slid off stage as a batch of teenaged girl appeared.

"One two three HIT IT!" The guitarist started strumming a sparkly tune as the drummer lightly tapped on the cymbals. "I love people! I LOOOVE PEOPLE!" The lead singer screeched at the top of her lungs. "PEOPLE ARE AWESOME. They are! They are AWESOME!"

"Awesoooooome" The guitarist and drummer provided some backup.

"People are-"

"Damn it!" A random soccer mom screamed out of the audience. "You just melted my kid's face off!"

They stopped playing and smiled widely. "BCUZ WE ROKK." The audience groaned and proceeded to complain.

"My bladder exploded!"

"I think my sister just had a heart attack."

"I dropped... MY ICE CREAM."

"I'm pregnant... With a bloodthirsty ALIEN."

"Dammit! You OWE me an ICE CREAM!"

"_Okay girls, off the stage, you suck. Next up is..."_

A/N: ...... :(


End file.
